Sideways Turn
by robert3A-SN
Summary: Stan hated change because it made everything crap, and now he hates everything being the same as well. But Wendy comes up with a third way for him to handle life from now on - one with less crap and less drinking.


"God, shut up! Just shut the fuck up!"

It wasn't like Wendy Testaburger hadn't heard worse things come out of Stan Marsh's mouth. It wasn't even the first time he made this exact statement in the last month. But it was the first time she heard him be this mad at her directly.

One minute they were at their latest picnic, as Wendy finished bringing Stan up to date on all the things he missed while he fought his various diseases. He hadn't said anything the entire time, yet that was par for the course for him during their outings, even before he was diagnosed. Of course, he often had a bored look when he was silent before – despite his poor efforts to hide it – but this time she did notice that he was more deep in thought the last two times.

Yet when Stan finally spoke, Wendy figured that his thoughts would make him say something less….bitter than this. But there he was, as furious as he was when he was diagnosed with cynicism or Asperger's. Come to think of it, since he was diagnosed with cynical asshole-ism before his parent's divorce, how come his condition was then reversed to Aspergers? Adults usually had fickle minds and short term memory, but that was kind of a huge hole to overlook.

But since she was now overlooking Stan's fury – and how he wasn't begging for forgiveness for yelling at her like she had hoped – Wendy made her brain focus on the new task at hand again.

"Stan…..you've never yelled like that at me before? May I ask why?" Wendy started. In any other circumstance, she would have probably slapped Stan for exploding at her out of nowhere – which was usually the first step towards abuse, if Lifetime could be believed. Since it usually couldn't, she just tried to suppress her own instinct to yell for being so disrespected – Stan wasn't Cartman, after all.

"It's all the same….it's all the Goddamn same again and I can't take it!" Stan shot back, even though it was clear he didn't really hear Wendy. "You, Mom, Dad, Kyle, Cartman, ass jokes, secret societies…..it's all the same as before and I don't want it anymore!"

Wendy had heard a bit about the big speech Stan made about wanting change at Cartman's ass burger place. But she thought it was just one final symptom before he was finally cured and brought back to normal….or maybe that's what she wanted to believe. In truth, she knew that a life changing-crisis couldn't really be resolved in just 30 minutes with big speeches. But once it seemed like Stan was reverting back to normal, Wendy threw out her skepticism in hopes that it really was all normal again – and now she was learning better.

"So…..you want your parents divorced again and Kyle to be with Cartman now? I thought those things made you hate the world before," Wendy tread carefully.

"But the left turns! The left turns were gonna save my life and make it interesting before people got sick of it! Now they'll be as sick of it as I am! I didn't want it back to normal after all that…..but I still hated the depressing shitty parts of change! But it almost looks good compared to that!"

"Wait, you want to see the world as shit again?" Wendy asked a bit more forcefully.

"It's shit no matter what, don't you get it? If I change, I see everything as shit and hate everything I used to like! If I don't change, it all looks boring and predictable, especially now that I'm aware of it! So either I change and turn my back on everything again, or stick with it and get bored and drunk! There's no way around those two shitty options!"

"Wait, bored _and _drunk?" Wendy asked, although she soon realized that she might have gotten sidetracked.

"I don't know…..maybe if I change things around, it might not look as shitty as before," Stan rationalized before he actually started to light up. "Yeah! I have my immunity to shit back up again, so maybe if I shake things up, it'll still hold! Yeah, it won't look that much like shit if I like changes! So I can learn to live with it and not be bored by the old shit anymore, it's perfect!"

"Stan…..you're starting to worry me," Wendy finally admitted out loud.

"Wendy, I break up with you!" Stan answered. Now Wendy was certainly a mite more than worried, but Stan just lit up even more. "Perfect, it worked!"

"What….the hell…..worked?" Wendy asked while starting to slowly burn up again.

"Don't you see? We've broken up before, but this time I did it! That's change! And I don't see you as shit yet! Oh God, there are so many new shit-free possibilities now….."

"Stan…..you hated change, remember?" Wendy said carefully while trying to keep her voice down. "You hated getting old so much that it made you sick, and it made you throw everything away. You made Kyle give up on you, and you gave up on me even though I didn't give up on you. Hell, I wasn't even at your 10'th birthday party, so you were already changing badly before then!" Wendy nitpicked.

"Look, I either have to change radically, or stay the same and get sick of repeating myself! And changing everything looks better now, even if I start seeing shit again!"

"So you'd rather see shit than stick with what worked for you….and _who_ worked with you, before?" Wendy shot back.

"If that's the least shitty option of two shitty options, what else can I do?"

Wendy could name a lot of things he could do. She could yell a lot of things he could do as well, and yell them until her voice cracked apart. But that was her old way of settling things, and she had learned not to be that over the top anymore. She didn't have to shoot people into the sun, get super jealous and break up with Stan anymore, yet she was still the same fundamental person. Change made her better without being all radical about it, so why couldn't…..

And with the same old big brain that had been a constant for her through all her changes, Wendy found her answer.

But the experiment it was asking her to try was a little risky…..albeit not one she hadn't been through a bunch of times before. Yet if things could be different just this one time….

So Wendy acted before Stan could get away or go on another tangent. She grabbed him close, which she had done before. She leaned in closer, as she had done before. But unlike the other times before, no flying half-digested food stopped her before her lips connected with his.

Already, the experiment was a smashing success. Yet it would probably take one more change before it could work just right. Wendy then pulled away slightly to vocalize that idea. "You have to kiss me back now."

Stan tried to let out a "Huh?" but it came out pretty garbled from the shock. That all was the relief Wendy needed to know that when she kissed him again, there was less of a chance of puke finally coming back. If she had to, she would keep kissing him over and over until she felt his lips press back.

But after the fifth peck, she felt him actually move his lips forward at last. After all these years, they were finally kissing each other on the lips at the same time. She was so overjoyed at that and at the other successes that she pulled back after just one second. "Yes, it worked, don't you see?"

Stan let out another garbled "Huh?" only this time at how he only got to kiss her for just a split second.

"Stan, you had the right idea! You can change things without them turning to shit now! But you were going to do it by throwing everything away! And you don't have to hate things staying the same either! You don't have to take such a drastic left or right turn! You can go sideways!"

This time, Stan was coherent enough to let out an actual "Huh?" at Wendy's proclamation.

"Look, you just kissed me without puking! That's real change. It isn't radical change, like dumping me or your best friend and thinking everything in your life is shit. But you got to make a change and keep something you like around at the same time, like me! It's not an all or nothing thing!"

Now Wendy was on a roll, so she kept going even though she resumed in the middle of Stan's "Huh?" this time.

"I know you think you either have to change everything and think what worked for you before was crap, or stay the same and be boring and predictable. That's a false choice, Stan. You should stick to what works because it worked so well…..but if it starts to get boring and shitty, you don't need to throw the whole formula out! Look at us! We still have the same up and down relationship, but now you just overcame your puking problem! We'll still be the same, but now we can kiss and be a little more closer when we're together!"

"It's not gigantic change, since we'll probably still only hang out when you're not on an adventure with the boys. Yet we just found a way to make the time we do have more special and romantic! And now that we've crossed that barrier, it'll get me through if I don't see you as much! You're not a puking mess anymore, and I'm not a psychotic possessed freak girlfriend anymore…..but we're still the same people other than that! That's what it's all about….finding change without throwing out what makes us special."

"And you can do that in other areas too! You can still do the same old things with the guys, and you only need to tweek it around a little! You could maybe fight with Cartman more often and make sure that the whole Cartman/Kyle wars don't get older and shitter than usual! Hell, it might make Cartman ruin Butters' life a bit less and give him more new things to do than be his slave! "

"And, and you can find new ways to strengthen your friendship with Kyle…..which you probably need to do after this last month anyway. You can make new friends like you mentioned during your speech at Cartman Burger, and still keep the old ones! You can remember that there are other people than Kyle and Cartman and Butters and your dad to play around with, like Kenny or Tweek or Token or Timmy or me! You can even work harder to find new ways to mock celebrities…..and not just with the jokes people make about them before they even get here!"

"You don't want change to be shitty, and you don't want the same old stuff to get shitter than it already is. So find a way to make both prospects work better…..if you make that kind of effort, then they'll both be better than they have in a long time. But you have to make the effort and not bring everyone down in the meantime…..or forget who's been there for you no matter how down you've gotten."

Wendy wondered if Stan would think about her or Kyle after that last statement. But that wasn't what this was about regardless. She got to kiss him and say her piece, so it was best to let Stan take that in on his own. He only had enough energy to get up before Wendy could fold up the picnic blanket – and to say one more louder "Huh" before she left.

Wendy didn't plan any of this 10 minutes ago – the speech, the kiss, the suggestions, anything. But when she was pressed against the wall, she managed to keep talking and talking to stave off a breakup. Perhaps this was an example of how she was changing, as she was much more verbal than usual even by her standards, yet she was still quintessentially herself. Even Stan was more vocal and well spoken than he had been for some time, although he was still the same emotional, somewhat overwhelmed boy as before.

She hoped he wasn't too overwhelmed to see that she was right, however. If she could overcome her struggles to believe those words, so could he.

Wendy supposed that all of that had been building for a while, given the changes she had been through over the years. She wasn't ignorant of how she used to be a much more central part of Stan's life, and of life in South Park, back in the days when all they had to worry about were anal probes, volcanoes and Mr. Hat. That was why she broke up with him in the first place – and yet she kept being reminded of it a lot more than others like Kyle did whenever they abandoned Stan. They both came back to him in the end anyway, yet no one questioned Kyle or Kenny's devotion to him.

But that was life for Wendy, as she was lucky to be a central part of one adventure per busy season. And nowadays they were more Cartman-centric or in mere supporting roles during Stan's ordeals. It took a lot for her not to freak out during the peak of that neglect, and to learn to harness her frustrations in ways other than killing people. If anyone noticed that internal war behind the scenes, no one had brought it up or injected it into the middle of an adventure.

Her role in South Park's inner circle wasn't what it once was, and in the old days that would have made her lash out at Stan, at those who didn't like her, and at others for getting much more attention. It certainly would have made her even more upset not to be at the birthday party where Stan's cynicism got started. Maybe if she was there to give her wisdom at the start, his inconsistent diseases could have been cured without divorces or shootouts or burgers in Cartman's ass.

But while fewer people had noticed, she had gotten smarter and more mature to realize that things had to change – and she didn't have to get violent or imagine shit everywhere to handle it. As much as Stan and Cartman and life in South Park might still make her angry, Wendy hadn't embarrassed herself or acted like too much of a bitch about it in a while. There was the breast cancer beat down of Cartman, yet she was clearly the heroine there - and she did use books and deals with James Cameron to beat Cartman in their next showdown. Her overreaction about Stan's Facebook page was harder to excuse, although some relapses were probably inevitable.

Wendy hoped she wouldn't relapse when her time came to get in the middle of an adventure again. By then, Stan would probably be in a few more scrapes of his own. After today, if he managed to resemble his old self again for real, Wendy would have made a bigger difference there than with anything she might say or do herself in the near-future. And maybe being there behind the scenes was just as rewarding as being front and center – although the feminist in her still hated being in the background while the boys did all the work.

Still, somebody had to be the rock for Stan no matter where she was. Somebody had to still have faith in him, even if he wasn't in the mood to acknowledge it. In any case, Wendy had the trump card that she wasn't willing to leave him behind even during the Asperger's phase of his illness – even though Kyle was.

As much as she might have been badmouthing Kyle during her mental monologues, she knew Stan needed Kyle during all those times she couldn't be there for him – and was quite disappointed that Kyle would abandon him so easily for Cartman. Especially when Stan never gave up on saving his life even when Cartman, of all people, wanted to kill Kyle by not giving up his kidney. But then again, Stan abandoned him completely during the metro sexual incident, so maybe that made them even.

Maybe when things settled down, Wendy would have a private talk with Kyle to make sure he was straightened out. Who knows if it would wind up happening in the middle of a crisis, or right before one happened.

But no matter when it happened, Wendy would do what she could so that Stan would choose balance over shit and madness, just like she was trying to do. Two madcap adventures weren't enough to cure him, so she supposed it was left to her to do something.

Whether anyone knew of her efforts or not, or would appreciate them and her if they did, was also uncertain. Yet caring less about it was part of how Wendy was growing up. It wasn't easy, but it was possible to do it without doing the same old nonsense over and over, or forgetting what made her past so much fun – and not making herself and others feel like an emo sad sack either way.

That would probably get Wendy through Stan's next few mistakes on his sideways path…..probably.


End file.
